


Goodbye My Wolf, Goodbye My Sunshine

by AshynnaStarlight



Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - All Media Types, The Hobbit - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Alternative Universe - The Line of Durin Lives, Angst, F/M, Last words, Possibly Unrequited Love, Sadness, Someone dies, injured
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-12
Updated: 2015-03-01
Packaged: 2018-03-07 07:24:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,522
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3166367
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AshynnaStarlight/pseuds/AshynnaStarlight
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A drabble based on anonymous submited imagine on the imaginexhobbit blog: "Imagine realising Kili will never love you when you see him in Mirkwood with Tauriel, but telling him you love him anyway while you lay dying at the Battle of the Five Armies".</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> First of all, why did I even write this! I blame my plot bunny, she demanded me to write it. I changed a few small things from the original imagine, but you will read what that it is. Hope you guys...like it? My apologies for any odd spelling/grammar mistakes, got a nasty cold. I rated M because someone dies and didn't know if that is allowed to be rated T, so M to be on the safe side.

We all yelled and cussed in Khuzdul at the Elves as we were pushed into our cells. Dwalin and Bofur were throwing a fit when an Elf male touched me and I glared menacing as the he-elf pulled my hairpins out, making my hair cascade down my back. Damn it. There goes my plan to pick the locks. He narrowed his eyes when I gave him a feral smile when we stopped before an empty cell.

          “You’ll regret you touched my hair,” I purred as I saw my kin look murderous from their cells. We were protective of our hair. And we did not like it when people, especially elves, touched it.

          “Be quiet, woman, and get in the cell.” He pushed me inside, a canopy of Khuzdul curses flying from all directions. Male dwarves were very protective over their female brethren.

          I kept glaring at the elf as he closed my cell door. I saw Fíli being shoved to a cell nearby, grumbling as the elf pulled his last hidden knife out of his coat. Such a hedgehog he was. They pushed him into his cell and our eyes met as the door was slammed shut. He smiled relieved when he realised I was okay as I waved at him to reassure him.

          I moved back, sitting down and sighed deeply as my body started to come down from my adrenaline rush. My cell door opened and Kíli was shoved inside. He swirled around and faced down the red-haired she-elf who had saved him.

          “Aren’t you going to search me?” he asked the elf when she wanted to close the door again. “I could have anything down my trousers.”

          She stared at him. “Or nothing.” She slammed the door shut and he let out a sigh, before turning around. His eyes widened when he saw me sitting there.

          “ _Anything down my trousers_? Seriously, Kee?” I arched my eyebrow at him and he gave me a cheeky smile, sitting down against the wall next to the door. I rolled my eyes as I stared ahead of me. We were never going to reach Mountain like this.

 

I had thought being in a cell with Kíli would be fun as we were close friends, best friends, but it was the most painful night of my life. He was talking and flirting with that she-elf, acting all nice to her and it was killing me – breaking my heart. I felt tears burn my eyes. Why didn’t he see me like that? I’ve loved him so much for so long already, but I never said anything as I wasn’t brave at all.

          Oh Mahal, what have I done to be punished like this? My hands were tight fists as I sat in the dark, watching them. I silently brushed a tear away as I felt so cold as if I just lost something.

          I have never been good enough. I scoffed silently to myself. How could I have ever entertained the idea that he, Kíli of the line of Durin, could even love a girl like me? I was no one important. It was a miracle that Thorin had allowed me to come.

          She was beautiful, I guess, and a warrior. He would never love me like a man loved a woman. I looked at my trembling hands as I wanted to curl up and sleep. My fingers went to my wild hair. Tracking through the forest had messed up my hair – as having being caught by spiders. I took out my braids, taking out the webs as I tried to ignore them talking and shut off my feelings.

          “You want me to help?” I almost jumped out of my skin as Kíli sat down beside me and touched my wrist. I looked at him through my hair, seeing him smile at me as if nothing was wrong.

          “No need. Take care of yourself.” My voice was flat and he looked surprised at me. I never spoke to him like that. However, after I had to witness him flirting with that she-elf, I didn’t feel like being friendly.

          “We will get out of there, Iona. You’ll see. They won’t hurt you,” he whispered reassuring, but I refused to look at him – continuing braiding my hair.

 

Several times more, he tried to talk to me, but I refused to talk. He gave up, looking like a lost and confused puppy.

          We heard the others talking to each other a few times; Thorin asking if I was safe. I reassured him that I was.

          How were we going to get out of here Durin’s day were close. I got up and started to pet myself down, trying to find anything I could use. I gasped softly as I found one pin hidden in my knee high boots. I wanted to move to the lock when I heard someone say; “Not when you’re stuck in here you’re not!”            

          Bilbo! I smiled wide when I saw our burglar hobbit get us out of our cells. We followed him quietly to wherever he was taking us. I had never been so happy to see anyone, like I had been seeing our hobbit.

          I fell a bit back, not wanting to walk close to Kíli and found myself next to my other friend; his older brother Fíli.

          “You’re okay?” he asked me soft and I plastered a smile on my face.

          “Yes,” I lied and his silver-blue eyes filled with pain.

          “Oh, Iona,” he whispered low as he wrapped his arm around me. “I’m here for you,” he whispered low and warm in my ear, holding me close against him as we made our way down the staircases – towards the cellars it seems.         

          I moved to the barrels, leaving them to their senseless bickering. There weren’t enough barrels for all of us. Seems I would have to share one as I was the smallest and slimmest of the group.

          “Do as he says!” Thorin ordered and everyone scrambled to get into the barrels. Dwalin trying to shove Bombur into a barrel. They soon realised that we had to share to have enough. I could see Kíli smile at me and open his mouth to call my name. I felt myself stiffen as the last thing I wanted was to share a barrel after the heart ache I had felt in that cell.

          “You’ll share a barrel with me.” Fíli wrapped his arm around me and I smiled relieved – ignoring the slight curious looks of the others. They all surely had thought I would share a barrel with Kíli.

          “I’m so sorry for the pain my brother has caused you. He doesn’t see the treasure that lies in front of him,” Fíli whispered in my ear and turned me to a barrel – shooting his younger brother a dark look.

          Kíli’s jaw clenched as he looked at his brother – an almost envious or jealous look. No, I had imagined that.

          Fíli got into the barrel and I joined him. “Hold on tight!” Bilbo ordered us and Fíli wrapped his arms tightly around me, bracing us. The next thing we knew….we were falling!

 

My breathing was choppy and weak as pain radiated through every inch of my body. Every breathe I took made my lungs burn, shots of pain flash through me. The snow felt so cold against my burning skin. I stared up to the sky, seeing the eagles fly. It made me smile. We were saved. We had won. Please Mahal, let me kin and my friends be safe. Let them survive. I would have peace with dying, as long as they lived to see another day. Erebor and my people needed them.

          Tears rolled down my cheeks as I was so tired. I didn’t feel my lower legs anymore and knew that my time had come. I’d pass into the Halls of Mandos and be reunited with my parents. In time, I would see the others again.

          I heard footsteps coming towards me, too light to be an orc or a dwarf. An elf crouched beside me and its face came into my view.

          “Lord Thranduil,” I coughed, tasting the copper flavour of blood in my mouth.

          “Hello, Lady Iona,” he whispered subdued as he checked my wounds – his face betraying nothing.

          “I know … that I’m going to … die,” I cough out, feeling the life slowly ebb out of me. I was so tired. My fingers felt so cold.

          “Giving up so soon, dwarfling?” he lifted me up carefully and I whimpered in agony.

          “Are they…alive?” Please. Give me at least that sense of peace.

          “Your kin survived, all of them.” I smiled relieved at the Elf Lord, black starting crept up at the edges of my vision.

          “Thank Mahal.” I swallowed weakly. It hurt so much. It would be over soon. I would sleep. I would find rest.

          “Do not give up now!” I opened my eyes and I hadn’t even realised that I had closed them. “Your kin needs you.”

          My vision was blurry. My tongue heavy like lead. My mind sluggish. “Tell Thorin, he will be a good king. It was … an honour to serve him … he was like an adad to me.”

          “You will tell him yourself.” I laughed weak, more like a wet cough. I would be dead before I reached a healer – cold creeping up my limbs.

          “Fíli, oh my golden lion. He means so …. Much to me. He will be a good … king one day. You wait … and see.” More tears rolled down my cheeks. Sounds were becoming distant.

          “Kíli,” my voice was losing its strength as everything was becoming black. Thranduil’s arms tightened around me as he spoke urgently, but I’d barely make out what he was saying. “I love him.” I cried as my heart stuttered. “He is … my sunshine. He … needs to keep shining. She … makes … him happy. Good bye … my sunshine.”

          My eyes rolled back as my body became limp. My breathing slowed down to uneven ragged gasps as most sensation left my body – all I could see was darkness.

          The last thing I heard was someone screaming my name, pain and agony filled the air. Good bye, my darling wolf.

 


	2. Goodbye My Moonlight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Iona!” I screamed hysterically, rage and fear like a noose around my neck. No, no, no. No! Mahal, NO!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hadn't been planning to write a second chapter to this story, but my friend requested it and seeing I was in the right mood, I did it. I hope I did Kíli justice as I do not often write in male POV's. So here is Kíli's (short) POV.

I howled in victory, throwing my head back to look up at the sky. “The eagles are coming! The eagles are coming!” My brother cried out elated, hope growing in all of us.

          “Seems we will live to see another dawn!” Uncle smiled feral as he raised his sword. “To me! Sons of Durin! To me!” he rallied our kin for one last assault, one last push. My brother and I gave each other blood thirsty smiles. He was back. The uncle we loved and admired was back.

          I looked at Iona as she twirled her sword – meeting my gaze. She looked glorious with her cheeks flustered by the heat of the battle, her eyes bright, and she smiled at me.

          ‘Try to keep up with me, Kee!” she challenged me with a laugh and sprinted after my uncle. I laughed and rushed after them. Of course, I could keep up with her. _My silly friend_.

          _Du Bekâr!_

 

I panted roughly, half-bended over with my hands on my knees. Azog was _dead_. My uncle was still alive. To Mahal, I’ll always remember the terror I had felt when uncle had faced off that beast alone. Fee and I didn’t know how fast we had to get to him, but we had made it – thank the Maker.

          I straightened up when Fee clasped my shoulder. Mahal, I’m so glad we all made it in one piece. I wanted ale and sleep for at least a month.

          I spotted Tauriel speaking with Legolas, and she caught me staring – giving me a small smile. I wanted to say something to her, but Fee’s hand tightened painfully on my shoulder.

          “Hey! Why…” I frowned when I noticed he wasn’t looking at me or Tauriel. He looked pale, his eyes wide in horror and despair. I followed his gaze, and I felt as if someone had sucker punched me.

          The Mirkwood King, Thranduil, was running towards us – his lips moving rapidly as he stared down at the person he held in his arms.

          I knew that braid. _Time started to slow down_. I knew that armour. _Her eyes bright, burning with the heat of the battle_. I knew that face, but it was too pale. _Try to keep up with me, Kee!_

          “Iona!” I ran towards them, almost tripping over my own feet as I couldn’t breathe. No, this couldn’t be happening!

          “Iona!” I screamed hysterically, rage and fear like a noose around my neck. No, no, no. No! Mahal, NO!

          The Elf King gave me a look and barked something in Sindarin. Arms came around me, and I was being restrained. Someone was keeping me away from her! HOW DARE THEY?

          “Let me go! She needs me. Iona! No, Iona!” I trashed violently, trying to head-butt whoever was holding me. She needed me. Iona, please, no, please.

          She looked so _still_. There was so much blood, _so much_. No, no, this couldn’t be happening.    

          _IONA!_

 

I cried silently as I held her hand in mine. I’m so sorry, Iona. I’m so sorry. I should have kept an eye on you. My tears burned my eyes as the pain was overwhelming. They hadn’t been able to save her. She was gone. My friend was gone.

          I was still in shock. I couldn’t phantom that she wasn’t here anymore. She lie on the bed, all cleaned up. She looked merely asleep, but her skin was too pale and greyish for her to be sleeping. She would be walking the Halls of Mandos now, be among her kin again.

          A strangled sound left my lips as I felt so guilty. She always had my back, and I had failed to have hers.

          “You are Kíli, am I not mistaken?” My head snapped up, and I saw Thranduil walk in. My hand tightened around Iona’s.

          “Yes,” I answered emotionlessly.

          He stood across of me, staring at Iona. I was lightly rocking myself with withheld rage. Couldn’t he had run faster, done _something_ more? She could have still been alive if he had.

          Thranduil turned to me, his eyes like shards of ice. “She fought valiantly.” I just started at the Elven-King.

          “Her last words were for you.” My throat became tight. “She loved you. You were her sunshine. You needed to keep on shining. She mentioned that another woman made you happy. _Goodbye my sunshine,_ were her last words.”       

          I stared at Iona, overwhelmed with guilt, self-loathing, pain, and sorrow. She _loved_ me. Mahal, she loved me. I had been the last person on her mind. There was an odd strange sound, and vaguely realised that it was me. I did not care.

          My sweet Iona, please forgive me. Forgive me. Mahal, what have I done? I rested my forehead against her arm as I howled in pain; regret and guilt choking me.

          _Mahal, my Iona, please forgive me. By Mahal…what have I done?_


End file.
